Sunday, September 19, 2004

Victory Tour Update 

11:59 AM (permalink)
candy can reports:

Peaches here, eating a peach as I blog.

We are relaxing in elegant decadence at a spa in Asheville, NC. We will be performing and brunching in the town square as soon as we are done dressing up our hostess the Zarina Cisco Ciscee for her debut as a Missile Dick Chick.

Here's what Bubbles has to say...

When we last reported, we were heading toward Antioch for our gig. Well, we arrived at dusk and joined videolady's former acquaintance from her FBI days. After a delicious dinner of fois gras at the local four-star restaurant, we converted 23 hippie children with our fabulous song and dance routines. They assured us their families would convert and vote for Dubya! Friday morning was spent next to the Jacuzzi, while video lady and friend whisked Babs to her Lear jet in order that she attend an in-law's wedding in Quatar. Our slaves cooked us breakfast and washed our laundry. Dolly had an outfit emergency, so off we went to TJ Maxx (there wasn't a Saks in sight!), where she offered to pay more for a lovely sweater with diamond encrusted buttons. The lady refused her money! We won't be investing in that company anytime soon. Bubbles also acquired a stylish pair of patriotic spiked heels and a new veil for her church hat. Our shopping a success, we headed to Cincinnati. It was a wonderful surprise when Lula and Peaches joined us! Their faces were fresh and ruddy from acid peels. We were greeted at the Cincinnati House of Worship with a steak and caviar dinner, all the local holy luminaries in attendance. After a delicious dessert of Baked Alaska, we invaded the world infamous Sitwell's on Ludow Street. We convinced everyone to take a shower and buy stock in Diebold. What a lovely apple pie they served! Of course, only occu-pie is more American. Then, a mysterious gentleman on a motorcycle (a CIA operative?) demanded that we follow him to a party celebrating Downtown for Democracy! We could not resist our desire to gloat and gloat and gloat, so off we went and ended up entertaining those anarchist children with our nuber one hit "Shop." We loved dancing to the hip-hop sound of "Animal Crackers," a local Cincinnati star ensemble. The CIA man then whisked us back to his mansion for martinis at 2 am in his heated pool. Saturday morning we celebrated Octoberfest at Fountain Square with the little people. A lovely gentleman in lederhosen was grateful to see us and served us all gourmet bratwurst for breakfast! Then, after a heavy duty exercise session around the fountain conducted by Bubbles, we crossed the border and had lunch at a four star restaurant called FT Wright. We met a sweet lady in patriotic garb who is a "Red Hat." The Red Hats are ladies over 50 who wear red hats and purple dresses and go to parties. She was a kindred spirit. Our gracious CIA host bid us bye-bye. Our next stop was the fabulous Lexington, Kentucky, where Bubbles and Candy demonstrated their expert horse riding skills. Near the football stadium, we ran into some fans enjoying American beer and potato chips. It's called a "Tailgate Party." The biggest Republican in the district was there! He gave us a glorious Bush/Cheney '04 poster which we now proudly display in the back window of the Hummer.

That's all the news for now... our Victory Tour is a glorious success!

Kiss, kiss, kiss...

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