Monday, August 02, 2004

On the road again 

1:51 AM (permalink)
Babs reports:
This summer the Missile Dick Chicks have been getting around. In addition to the Philadelphia trip on July 4 mentioned below by Annie Riggins, we have been crossing the highways (they aren't freeways, nothing in America is free) to spread our message in person.

Backtracking a little bit, June 5 we cruised up to Washington, DC. Normally we don't have to get involved with any dealings in Washington, but we heard that some hippie protestors would be out in front of Donald Rumsfeld's house to criticize his war performance. As war-loving Republicans we naturally felt it was our duty to defend the man behind the whole operation. We were delighted to see the DC chapter of the Free Republicans, or FReepers, also there to defend Rumsfeld against the evil commies, but for some reason the nice riot police felt the need to stand between us and them. As it turned out, the freepers aren't real patriots like us anyway. Their chants sounded like something you'd hear at a hippie protest; like, "take off your top for peace" and "put a bag over your head for peace!" All this peace talk was very confusing to me until I realized with the bag over your head line they must have been referring to the detainee situation. Then it made sense after all. Here's one report on the event by Al Jazeera. Yes, of course that is liberal propaganda at it's worst, but sadly Fox News didn't cover this event.

On the way home from Washington we stopped at a few rest stops on the highway. We liked performing so much for America's travelers and fast-food workers that we decided to take a trip to nowhere. On July 17th we hit the road again, just visiting rest stops in Pennsylvania, a swing state with 21 delegates still up for grabs. Our first stop was Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania. We were delighted to find a McDonald's, and halleluajah! Rumours of the demise of the supersize fries are premature! Supersize lives on in Pennsylvania! Fast food workers in rest stops always seem to really like us, by the way. I don't think they get many visitors like us out in the rural areas.

Our most recent trip was to Boston July 25th to crash the Democrat's party. We wanted to find out if there was any chance of buying John Kerry in the extremely unlikely event that the Diebold voting machines betray us. Anyway, those Democrats are fairly nice people if a little confused. The thing that stands out most about that trip was the brilliant job they did of marginalizing "free" speech (we already know nothing is free in America). If the Republicans are even half as clever in New York with our big party coming up in August, you won't see, hear, or smell those disgusting anarchist protestors.

Boston Commons photo courtesy George Loper
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